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New address
Quick update…I plan to be changing the domain for this site to www.ready2bloom.com, so I just wanted to give you some advance notice. I will be returning soon, at the updated URL. Thanks!
Update: change has been made, but www.hollyworton.com will redirect to www.ready2bloom.com for a few days. And yes, I will be updating the blog soon. Sorry about the disappearance!
Where am I? Want/Should/Others
Why do we do the things we do? There’s a variety of reasons, but the important thing is that you are aware of why you do the things you do. Often, we live unhappy lives because we have no idea why we do things.
For so many years, I lived my life for other people. I did a lot of things that I felt I should do, or had to do, or needed to do. And I generally responded to everything that others wanted me to do or expected me to do. And after years of doing this, I was so out of touch with my own interests that I had reached the point where I didn’t even know what I wanted to do.
I knew that some aspects of my life were clearly not what I wanted, but I didn’t know what it was that I did want. It was all tangled up in this murky feeling of unhappiness and fear of making changes because I didn’t even know what changes to make. Because I didn’t know what I did want, I was afraid that I’d end up with something even worse than what I already had. That’s why ranking each area of life can be so helpful in determining precisely which parts of our lives we’re not happy with and which parts are most important to us.
Here’s how to get started:
- Pay attention each day to what you like and don’t like about the activities that fill your schedule. Write everything down in a notebook. What are your time wasters? Which things do you do because you truly want to do them? Which activities are things you feel you should be doing? What things do you do simply because others want you to do them or expect you to? Often times, we fall into the habit of taking on every little thing that others expect of us, not stopping to ask ourselves whether we truly want to do them, or whether they’re for our highest good.
- At the end of each day, get out your notebook or diary, and classify each activity or event as Want, Should, or Others. Meaning: did you do it because you wanted to, because you felt you should do it, or because others wanted you to?
- At the end of each week, total up each category, and you can easily see whether you’re living your life as you want to live it or as others want you to live it.
How did that go? Were you surprised at your rankings? What did you learn about yourself?
Where am I? Taking a Look at Attitudes
Attitudes can change over time, which is why I’ve included this area in Where am I? rather than Who am I? You are not your attitudes, but the attitudes you hold do define where you are in life.
- Print two copies of the Attitudes List.
- Ask yourself: which of the following words describe your various attitudes in an average week? Without judging them (you may feel that some of these attitudes are positive or negative, but it’s best not to judge), tick off all of the attitudes that you think you experience on a regular basis.
- Add any additional attitudes that you think you have but were not on the list.
- Take the second copy and, at the end of each day starting tomorrow, tick off the attitudes that you experienced throughout the day. If you experience a particular attitude on more than one day, tick it off each day. Add any additional attitudes that you have during the week, but which aren’t on the list.
- At the end of your week, compare the two lists. Where are the similarities? Where are the differences? Which attitudes did you think you experienced on a regular basis, but didn’t? Which new attitudes showed up on your second list?
It can be useful to simply become aware of our attitudes, without judging them. This is an adaptation of a previous post, but it’s so relevant to the Where am I? question, that I decided to include it again. The initial post included some follow up activities, but at this point we’re still getting to know where we are in life, so I want to leave that part of the exercise until later.
What did you learn from this exercise? Did you find it challenging to admit to some of your attitudes?
Best of 2011
- 10 Easy Steps to Improve Time Management and Reduce Stress
- When Was the Last Time You Did Something for the First Time?
- 10 More Steps to Improve Time Management and Reduce Stress
- Task Meditation to Clear Your Mind and Get Things Done
- Easy Ways to Reduce Stress and Add More Hours to Each Day
For those of you looking to set goals or New Year’s resolutions for 2012, it may be a good idea to revisit these posts. It can be challenging to work toward our goals if we struggle with time management, or if we’re so stressed we can’t get things done.
I wish you all a happy, healthy, and successful 2012! Thanks again for reading.
Where am I? Priorities
SO sorry about my extended absence. So, to recap: we’re onto the second happiness question: Where are you? Meaning, where are you in your life? In this area, you can clearly identify what’s right and what’s wrong for you: which things you like and which things don’t like, which things you want to keep and which things you want to change.
Sound good? Since we’re just about to start a new year, I thought it would be appropriate for us to take a stock at where we are in life.
- So, take a look back at your Wheel of Life. If it’s been a couple of months since you filled out yours, download a fresh Wheel of Life and re-assess things. Remember, life changes, so it can be useful to do this exercise a few times a year.
- Think about which areas are your priorities. Take a separate sheet of paper and rank them in order, from 1 to 8, since there are eight categories. One is your top priority, and 8 is your lowest. Try to do this as quickly as possible, without over-analysing too much.
- Write your rankings around the edge of your wheel, as shown in the above picture.
- Next, think about how you actually live your life. If Spirituality & Religion is your #1 priority, as in the example above, do you really place that area as your top importance? Do your actions show that Spirituality & Religion is your to priority? If close friends or relatives were asked which of the above eight areas were your top priority, would they get the answer correct?
- Get out a different coloured pen and mark what your REAL priorities are, meaning which areas you actually place priority on in your life. Maybe you put your work before your family? That should be reflected in your “real” priorities. Write your new rankings down along the edge of your wheel, in the different colour.
- How do you feel now that you look at how you actually live your life? Does it feel like it’s time to start making changes, and actually put your top priorities in their places? Think about what changes you could make.
Where am I? Wheel of life
Now we’re onto the second happiness question: Where are you? That means: where are you in life? This is where you can clearly identify what’s right and what’s wrong for you: the things you like and don’t like, the things you want to keep and the things you want to change.
You may have done the Wheel of Life or balance wheel before, but as with other types of exercises, it’s a good idea to do this on a regular basis. Life changes, and it’s useful to notice how things have improved.
So, how does your life currently rank on a scale of one to ten in the following areas: career, family, finance, health/wellness, personal growth, self expression, social life, spirituality/religion? Analyse how your life is going in each of these areas. Be sure not to over-analyse. Just give a quick, honest answer.
And remember, you won’t help yourself by being dishonest. This is all about getting to know the real you, without judgement and without hiding from the truth. Let’s take a minute so you can make note of these rankings. 10 is the absolute best: couldn’t be better. 1 is the worst you can imagine.
- Print the document in the above link. I’ve already filled in the categories, but you can
- Adjust the categories if needed. Consider the following: health/wellness, exercise/gym, relationship with partner, personal growth and development, spirituality, religion, career development, studies, giving back/contribution to society, financial prosperity, savings, socialising/fun, friends, family, children, parents, entertainment, work, personal space, hobbies, sports, artistic expression, etc. Can you think of any additional areas? Please share them in the comments below.
- Now rank how you’re doing in each of the areas, on a scale of 1 to 10. If you’re unclear how to do it, use the example above. Get creative and use colored pens, oil pastels, or paints if you like.
How did that go? This is such a simple exercise, yet it makes it so easy to get clear on where we are in life.
Who am I? Looking at what we got from others
Image via Wikipedia
So much of what we believe about who we are is wrapped up in things we’ve heard others say about us: family, teachers, classmates, interviewers, colleagues, friends. But as you can imagine, these people only know a part of us. Only we can get to know our complete selves, and it’s our responsibility to do so. No one else can do it for us.
1. Get out your notebook or journal, and ask yourself the following questions. Get as detailed as you can in your answers:
- How would my family members describe me? What does my family have to say about who I am? What I do?
- How would classmates have described me in grade school? How would they have described me in high school? University? Grad school?
- How did my teachers describe me when I was a child in school? What did teachers have to say about me later on in my life? High school? University? Grad school? What kinds of evaluations did I get in school (written evaluations that focused on behaviour and attitude, not just grades)?
- What kinds of feedback have I received from job interviews, either with recruiting agents or with companies? What have they said about my ability to find the ideal job for me?
- What feedback have I received from superiors at work? What have people at work had to say about me? What kinds of reviews have I received?
- How would my friends describe me? What do friends have to say about who I am and the decisions I make in my life?
Getting to know yourself is a life long process, partly because we need to dig deep to get beyond all those things that we’ve taken on from others, and partly because we’re constantly changing throughout life. I hope you’ve enjoyed this process.
Ready to move on? The next questions will be from the Where am I? series.
